By Christine MacIntyre
In How Are You, Really? Jenna Kutcher explores the often-overlooked question of how we are truly feeling. She encourages readers to reconnect with their authentic selves and live according to their values, joys, and rhythms rather than societal expectations. The book resonates deeply with people at various life stages, offering a much-needed invitation to stop and ask, “How are you, really?”
How often do we answer this query with a quick, “I’m fine?” Instead, Kutcher encourages readers to sit with that question and confront the discomfort that might come with it. This is a radical and profoundly personal challenge for many women who are so used to caring for others.
She shares, “The way we are living is not sustainable for a human soul. Constantly covering up who we are just means we inevitably get buried. We are not okay anymore with just looking like we’re okay. We’re not okay with pretending to feel okay.”
Kutcher challenges the traditional definition of a well-lived life, emphasizing that it is not one-size-fits-all and should be based on personal fulfillment. Kutcher, who has achieved tremendous success as an entrepreneur and podcast host, is candid when she says that money, fame, or outward accolades don’t always equate to true fulfillment.
She writes, “If you want to be somewhere, something, or someone, but the process of getting there looks a thousand miles long, just get as close as you can.”
Kutcher’s journey becomes deeply relatable for women who often strive to “do it all”—to be the perfect mother, partner, employee, friend, and more. Her reframing of goal-digging and success reassures readers that collective actions—stating the passion, simplifying the plan, and starting the process—lead to massive change.
She suggests it’s all about how you feel at the end of the day. Do you feel joy? Do you feel aligned with your values? Are you living a life that energizes you or running on empty? Further, she underscores the importance of ensuring a life that preserves your values. “When was the last time you felt 1,000 percent AMAZING? On top of the world? Vibrant, giddy, alive?”
Kutcher’s book is praised for its authenticity. She doesn’t portray herself as having everything figured out. Instead, she opens up about her struggles with body image, grieving after miscarriages, and societal pressures. These stories deeply resonate, especially for women seeking realness. She offers practical tips, such as how to speak to ourselves or listen to our bodies and recognize what they need, that nudge us closer to a gentle acceptance of our whole selves and a more authentic feeling in life.
The book’s raw honesty and reflections make it more than an abstract discussion of personal growth. It’s an invitation to get vulnerable and recognize that the quest for perfection—whether with your body, career, or relationships—is not the answer to happiness.
Kutcher shares stories from her life, but she doesn’t stop there. She also provides readers with tools and exercises to delve into their stories and begin the realignment process. Each chapter feels like a gentle guide, helping you pause, reflect, and recalibrate.
While the book is deeply reflective, it’s also practical and empowering. Kutcher doesn’t just offer philosophical insights, she provides readers with actionable tools to implement change. From journaling prompts to thought-provoking questions and jump starters at the end of each chapter, she equips readers with the resources to realign their lives with their true desires.
A recurring exercise in the book is creating a vision for what you want your life to look like. Kutcher explains how to develop actionable steps to achieve those dreams. Readers will consider questions such as, “What do I want my life to look like five years from now?” and “What small changes can I make today to move closer to that vision?”
How Are You, Really? feels less like a theoretical book and more like a guidebook for personal growth. Kutcher gives readers the tools, but she also reminds them that the work won’t be easy. It takes courage to look at one’s life, see where things aren’t working, and then make changes. She discusses everything from creating authentic communities to asking for help and investing in ourselves.
How Are You, Really? is a deeply personal, thought-provoking, and practical guide for women who are tired of living by the standards set by others and are ready to reclaim their definition of happiness. Kutcher’s blend of vulnerability, wisdom, and actionable advice makes this book stand out among others in the self-help genre.
It’s a book for women at any stage whether just starting their careers, deep into motherhood, or somewhere in between. The message is clear: life is the person’s to shape, but each needs to ask themselves the hard questions, tune into what is wanted, and then have the courage to make changes.
Ultimately, How Are You, Really? isn’t just about surface-level changes but about living with intention and joy. It’s a must-read for women seeking fulfillment, peace, and authenticity. Ready to stop living on autopilot and start living fully? This book provides guidance, one honest conversation with the self at a time.
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