The Current State of Sexual Health Education in Michigan

By Grace Pernecky

“So… I think you know where this leaves us,” he stated simply and with a clarity I did not feel. There was a late summer breeze blowing through the aspens lining the woods around us at Bandemer Park alongside the Huron River, making everything shake and rustle. My former boyfriend’s face swam before me, my heart closing in on itself—nope, we were not breaking up. This was not happening. This wasn’t real. I was dreaming…but as soon as it clicked in my head, I turned as if in slow motion, then ran away as fast as I could, as if I could outrun the pain that was coming for me, faster and faster, like a train revving up, gaining speed with each second. I ran for the water, my body, mind, and spirit collapsing.

Sluggishly, over the next few days, everything would come back to me in fragments—the conversations about sex, me cringing at the thought of approaching him to state my own discomfort with the topic, the pressure building over the months we were in relationship. I loved him, but I didn’t know what I wanted because in my mind, I hadn’t been given an option. Even if you used the best birth control possible plus a condom, there was a chance that it would split, and that 1% chance loomed over my hormone-infused yet Type A mind—a line I could not cross because I refused to. I was holding on to an extreme self-discipline that I told myself would keep me safe. I lied. Told him that someone I knew had a bad experience with sex, and I was scared of that happening to me. I wasn’t. I wasn’t scared of what I knew. I was scared of everything I didn’t.

Added to that was the pressure of peers, recognizing that even though they may not be more experienced than me, they still knew a lot more than I did. I didn’t know anything about sex except the not-so-fun parts: disease, protection, how to spot abuse in relationships. I had been told that sex would get me in trouble. Would ruin my life. Was not supposed to happen before I was married. I was good. I got all As. I was going to a good college. I would succeed. I would not cave.

But I was also young, and there was shame in my body for feeling things I didn’t yet understand—and burning curiosity. I wonder now, if I had had access to a more comprehensive, inclusive, trauma-informed, supportive, non-judgmental, and even loving sexual health education, I might have been able to facilitate the conversations with my partner at the time that would have allowed us a lot more clarity on what we both actually wanted, what consent should look like, and how to have a healthy, communicative, honest relationship.

Sexual Health Education in Michigan in 2023

It wasn’t until later that I learned that my experience with sexual health education was not uncommon. I assumed, as a kid whose whole world was based around school, that everything in the curriculum was what was required to be successful in life. At the time, I didn’t realize how career-driven it was: Math, Science, English, and History were the four main subjects. Nothing about growing your own food, repairing clothes, doing your taxes, paying a mortgage, how to have fulfilling relationships, how to maintain good mental health practice, and more. Even though we had “sex ed” in elementary, middle, and high school, to me, it felt limited. It didn’t really answer any of the questions I really wanted to ask, and because of my peers’ snarky, know-it-all attitude around the topic, I was terrified to ask them. Not to mention the fact that in high school, I was forced to test out of the class over the summer because I couldn’t fit it into my already busy schedule the following year. I remember nothing from it. It was all flashcards and memorization, and as soon as the test was done, everything flew out of my brain to make space for next year’s course load.

Michigan’s current legislation on sexual health education creates many barriers for Michigan students to get comprehensive sex education. Right off the bat: sex ed is not actually required. Schools are only required to teach students about HIV. If they do elect to provide sex education, they must proceed with the following requirements: abstinence must be emphasized as the only 100% effective method of preventing STIs and pregnancy, abortion is not allowed to be taught as a method of family planning, and abortion referrals cannot be made on school grounds. The information must not be medically inaccurate, must be age appropriate, and contraception availability and distribution (this means condoms, folks) are not permitted on school grounds. It must also provide students with refusal skills, like saying no to sex and not pressuring someone into unwanted touching or sexual activity. It must also cover healthy relationships, how to recognize signs of abuse, and state laws regarding sexuality, age of consent, and teen parenting. Though several of these rules are helpful, the fact remains that none of them are required to be taught in the first place, unless a district decides to go through the work of having a sex education program, at which point, they are also required to form a Sex Education Advisory Board (SEAB).

For a district to teach sex education, it must create a SEAB. The committee must contain parents of students, students, educators, local clergy, and community health professionals. All sex ed content must be recommended for approval by this committee, and then given up to the school board for the final say.

Sex ed varies not only state by state, but district by district. Amanda Barratt, Senior Program Director at The Michigan Coalition to End Domestic & Sexual Violence (MCEDSV), said, “Having things district by district means that someone could just live down the street and have completely different access to sex ed than someone else. We’re seeing huge disparities in just the access to sexual health education. It’s a problem because where you go to school shouldn’t determine the amount of information that you get. And that’s what’s happening right now.”

MCEDSV provides support directly to survivors of domestic and sexual violence through their free confidential hotlines, and its main deliverable is providing training and technical assistance to their member programs who are doing the work of preventing abuse, providing shelter, counseling, finding housing, and advocacy.

“I would say access to sexual health information to me doesn’t seem as controversial as what it ends up being,” Barratt stated, referring to some of the dissent surrounding sex education and arguments against providing access to it. “It’s very sensationalized. It’s very based in fearmongering. So oftentimes, it’s like, ‘well look here, I don’t want my kindergartener shown pornography,’ and it’s like, no one in sex education has done that ever!”

“We’re in this really political landscape right now. And it puts a lot of pressure on schools to be this vehicle of sexual health information,” Barratt told me. Because Michigan law states that you are not allowed to talk about abortion as a method of family planning, teachers are afraid to answer questions. Taryn Gal of the Michigan Organization on Adolescent Sexual Health gave me an example. “Say a young person needs birth control. Sometimes [teachers] get scared to even say ‘you could go to Planned Parenthood’ in case someone perceives that as a referral for abortion… so it’s just really restricting young people [from finding the help they need].”

A common sentiment amongst my interviewees was that there is a significant unseen gap in sex education; parents are informed that the school is teaching their kid what they need to know about sexual health and relationships (by the way, they can opt their kid out of any portion of that education for any reason). While they assume this means they don’t need to be involved at all, the schools assume the parents are covering the gaps. Especially “The Talk,” which Barratt takes real issue with. “When I talk to parents, they’re always like ‘How do I have The Talk with my kid?’... and I’m like, ‘it’s not a talk – it’s a lifelong conversation!’ It’s not one thing that you have to get perfect. It’s small bits of conversation that you have over years and years that build on each other.” But because the parents see paperwork stating that their kid’s going to learn about sex, they are oftentimes uncomfortable and less-than-enthusiastic to cover the topic themselves. On top of that, the parents themselves might not have adequate sex education or resources.

Schools have limited funding and limited ability to teach comprehensive sex ed due to Michigan legislation. In fact, over 80% of teachers do not feel adequately trained to effectively teach sex education, according to the National Association for Head Teachers. Parents often feel uncomfortable talking to their kid about the topic and teachers feel they are being restrained. How are kids getting the information they need to thrive and be healthy?

In Michigan Daily’s 2022 Annual Sex Survey, 30% of University of Michigan student respondents first learned about sex through the internet/social media, followed by 24% learning through friends. Only 17% of respondents first learned about sex from school. And regardless of when and how respondents first learned about sex, 40% perceived their sex education as a largely negative experience that was both uninformative and unhelpful. “When asked about how sex education could be improved, many write-in responses indicated the need for outlined steps to achieve female pleasure, how to engage in queer sex, clear definitions of consent, ways to detect sexual coercion and a comprehensive list of the best safe-sex practices,” stated the article.

Even at the college level and onward, people seem to be affected by the sex education or lack thereof they received as adolescents. I wondered how these people find help, if they are even able to, and how they develop as adults due to this lack of education. I turned to Erin Martinez-Gilliard, practicing sex therapist and sex educator in the greater Ann Arbor area, as well as Taryn Gal, Executive Director of MOASH, for answers.

Trust-Building and Non-Shaming

“I’ve met maybe one or two people in my career that have said ‘I think that I’ve had access to great sexual health resources,’” Martinez-Gilliard told me when I asked about her perception of the current state of sex ed in Michigan. “What are people even thinking about when they think about sexual health? What does that mean to people? I think that especially in the United States, it’s really, really limited. And so, for the majority of people, once we open up the conversation, the places that I think it commonly pops up really quickly is a sense of shame, a sense of confusion… ‘I don’t know what I want sexually,’ or ‘I don’t know how to communicate about that.’” Martinez-Gilliard added that the first time she opens up the conversation about sex, most people start crying within about 15 minutes, “Because there’s so much there.”

Gal of MOASH echoed Martinez-Gilliard’s sentiments about shame. MOASH works to make sure that young people in Michigan have access to sex ed and sexual health services that are in line with best practice: “ Everything from being medically accurate to research-informed to being non-shaming and developmentally appropriate and trauma-informed, all the way to being inclusive and affirming of all young people, especially those young people who have been ignored or silenced or not represented in these spaces,” Gal recites comfortably. When asked, Gal emphasized non-shaming practices to be at the core of what her dream sex education program looks like. She reiterated a theory and best practice for curriculum created by the Gay, Lesbian, & Straight Education Network (GLSEN); “Students need to see themselves reflected in the curriculum and also understand that there are many kinds of people in the world, so like, windows and mirrors; windows represent looking out and being able to see what others are experiencing, while mirrors represent seeing yourself reflected in the curriculum.” She added that shame “Keeps everyone from asking questions; it keeps everyone from talking about things.”

As practicing sex therapists, both Martinez-Gilliard and Barratt emphasize the harm that they have seen on the “back end” of an inadequate sex education. “A large portion of the folks I work with have been so harmed by shame surrounding learning about sex and sexuality, and not having adequate information when they were adolescents that it’s turned into things that they are still struggling with as an adult. And I think that it’s just really a big disservice to humanity. It can be so powerful to have access to information about your body, and scary and dangerous to not have that information,” voiced Barratt with passion. “I have met so many people over the years that have been deeply hurt by something that should be positive,” added Martinez-Gilliard to this sentiment.

And so, by providing a comprehensive, non-shaming, inclusive, trauma-informed, affirming, medically accurate, research-informed sexual health education, it seems that educators could be preventing a lot of harm and trauma that may occur farther down the road. Prevention via sex education could be key not only to healthier and happier individuals, but to a healthier and happier society.

The Question of Where

There are many places outside of the public school system that are able to offer sexual health education as well, that are less constrained by Michigan law and therefore able to include more helpful information and resources to younger people in need of it. I spoke, for example, to Sam and Mary of the Residential College at the University of Michigan, current co-leaders of Sex Forum, a one-credit class in which students participate in a discussion-based, informal learning experience about student-chosen topics relating to sex, relationships, consent, and general sexual health principles.

Sam reflected on how the forum seems to have changed over the past several years. “It seems like people are generally shifting toward not just information about general health, but specifically how society interacts with their life and their specific perspectives from being a student on campus.” Mary added that one of the biggest challenges they have faced as co-leaders is building trust and community. Because it’s a one-semester course, students only have an hour a week for a few months to feel comfortable enough sharing their own experiences with sex-related topics. Sam and Mary have noticed this reluctance to be vulnerable. “Alongside that trust, we need to build an environment where people feel like they’re not being judged, and that [can be] extremely difficult to do, especially with students,” Sam said. Once again, the theme of shame inched itself back into the spotlight.

Barbara DeLancey, sex educator and registered nurse, spoke about her experience as a sex educator at First Presbyterian Church of Ann Arbor. She has taught a six-week long sex ed class for over 25 years to grades three through six, stressing the principle that, in her words, “your sexuality is good. It’s a gift from God, and we need to treat it as a gift, and love ourselves and love one another.” DeLancey said that when they started, people from all different faiths came to participate in the program, though she added that “we need some [community center] like the YMCA to have a program for all-comers, [regardless of their faith].”

And then there’s the Holy Grail of The Internet. Though blind searching on Google could lead those curious to learn more down some pretty illegitimate resource rabbit holes, there are a few high-quality programs available for parents or kids in search of a more comprehensive sex ed program than what their school district may offer. “Maybe that’s the future of sex ed—having something online that kids could just access [wherever they live],” reflected DeLancey toward the end of our conversation.

The Future of Sex Ed in Michigan

What does a good sexual health education look like, then? I asked my interviewees, and they came up with some basic principles:

• Non-shaming.

• Centered around the safety and well-being of children, not around the comfort-level of parents.

• Not just in schools, but in community centers, online, etc.

• Youth-inspired. (Martinez-Gilliard offered the suggestion that sex ed follow

• the medical model – “Doctors don’t just start talking to you about

• anything that happens medically. [They] ask questions that help [them]

• understand what’s going on.” Only then can they provide appropriate

• information and advice.)

• Parent/Guardian involvement.

• A hybrid model of information/lecture and open discussion.

• Not divided by gender.

• Incorporate ideas about individuality and pleasure.

• Medically accurate and research informed.

• Developmentally appropriate.

Though there is a lot that could be improved within sex education curriculum today, there is also a lot that has already been achieved. According to Gal (who is also on the board of two Sexual Health Education Advisory Committees, one of which is for the Ann Arbor Public Schools district), increasingly, districts are using a really good sex ed curriculum. “We’re seeing more and more districts reach out, wanting to know more about curriculum that is comprehensive.” Barratt talked hopefully about the increasing media representation of the inadequacy of current sexual health curriculum and issues young people experience as they navigate puberty, in addition to representation of different gender identities in starring roles of certain Netflix films and shows. At MOASH, Gal talked about how they are really trying to leverage and “take advantage of the time that we’re in,” to push for more legislation for comprehensive sex ed programming in Michigan.

So, while the current state of sex ed in Michigan seems to be adequate in some districts and there is a trend toward more progressive and inclusive legislation, there is also room for improvement, both in the curriculum and in the policies that govern it.

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