By Kyle Nicolaides
If you would have told me eight years ago that my depression held wisdom and had something to teach me, I would have thought you were crazy. Like driving down Main Street on game day crazy. That's because I was smack in what I call my "Dead Decade." From age 18-28, I was depressed, and I mean depressed. I was certain depression was the worst thing to ever happen to me because it had destroyed my life, sabotaged my promising professional career as the lead singer of a rock band, and left me in ruins. I also thought depression was a life sentence. I was convinced it would never let up and desperate for some kind of relief. This lead me to my first Ayahuasca ceremony where a miracle happened.
Two nights of drinking the medicine cured ten years of depression and gave me a profound spiritual awakening via an encounter with the higher powers that be. I woke up the next day and realized that everything I knew about my depression was wrong. My relationship with mental health was forever changed. Depression wasn’t a terrorist. It was my greatest teacher and gift. If depression led me to a spiritual awakening and connection with the divine and all the bliss and joy that accompanied it, how could it ever be a bad thing?
Something I could only see after my healing was that depression was the prerequisite suffering for expansion and growth. Now I know, with all my being, there is wisdom, intelligence, grace, and power in depression, and I'm here to help you tap into it, too. Here are three ways you can tune into the wisdom of depression.
1. Change Your Relationship with Depression
To tap into the wisdom of depression, we must change our relationship with it. Here’s a question I bet no one's ever asked you—what is the relationship you have with depression? Imagine your depression was a person standing in front of you. How do you treat them? How do you think they treat you? What do you have to say to them? Do you see them as a terrorist or a teacher? The answer is vital because your life path, thoughts, actions, and decisions depend on the answer.
If you hate someone or are terrified of them, you’re not going to listen to anything they have to say, even if they told you all the secrets of the universe or how to make a million dollars. You’re going to fully resist. If you fear your depression, you’re going to miss out on any potential wisdom it has to offer because you’re too busy ignoring it or running from it. In addition, if you hate, fear, or ignore your depression, it often creates resistance. Resistance leads to more resistance, which leads to more suffering. On the other hand, if you respect and trust someone, it’s a totally different story.
If you see depression as a teacher, something you choose to accept and embrace and treat it with respect, valor, and trust, you begin to open new paths of communication and understanding. It will speak to you and guide you to outcomes you never could have imagined. Work with it, instead of against it. This creates spaciousness for new outcomes and collaboration.
2. Practice Acceptance
Depression can be frustrating. It can drain our energy and wreck our mood. It’s easy to be angry at it. It’s important that we feel those emotions and vent. Move the energy of those feelings, but most important, practice acceptance of them.
Accepting depression is the path to healing and the way to tune into its wisdom. Whatever feeling, emotion, or energy you’re living in right now, accept and welcome. Say you wake up one day and feel depressed, option one is resistance—your mind takes hold and panics. "I hate how I feel, I wish I wasn't like this." This reaction just stirs up more panic and obstruction. Now you're compounding resistance and dealing with the displays instead of the root emotion.
Option two is acceptance without judgement. "Oh, I'm feeling sad again, let me be present and curious with what I'm feeling." You tune into your body, notice the tones of the sadness, where it lives, and give yourself some space. You can ask yourself questions like, "What do I need today? Depression, where are you leading me? What do you have to teach me today?” Or ask it to help you see what you’re not seeing.
Same scenario with two radically different approaches—two different paths of action. Once we clear up our relationship with depression and are in acceptance, we can move into trust.
3. Trust
Trust is the foundation to tap into the wisdom of depression. Trust your depression. Trust there is meaning and purpose behind it. Trust that depression is here for a reason, and it’s leading you somewhere. Trust it’s here to make you a more aware, better version of yourself. You are in partnership with your depression, walking a path with it. This is a decision you might have to make daily, or sometimes by the hour.
Carve out a bit of space for curiosity. What if depression is a good thing? What if it’s leading you to a better version of yourself? It's an assumption to label your depression as "bad," because you don't know where it's leading you. This is where the beauty is. Depression, anxiety, mental health—all these paths are a journey.
The orientation I choose to have in life, and invite you to, is that there is a path and purpose for your life so beautiful and big that you could never have foreseen it or planned it alone. This plan is in motion now. Depression is part of that plan.
Change your relationship with depression and then act. Explore healing modalities with openness and curiosity. Practice deep listening to your body, spirit, and mind. What is your body/spirit/mind telling you right now? Through prayer, meditation, self-compassion, and yoga, you can tap deeply into yourself. You ask these questions and begin to listen for answers.
What could you change in your material life that will have the biggest impact on your mental health? What is your spirit craving? What are the things you can explore that might bring relief? What has depression been trying to tell you that you haven’t been willing to hear? What is missing from your life? Then, what can you do about it? What is your next small step to take?
It’s in these questions and answers that the wisdom of depression will speak and reveal itself to you. Be prepared for the journey, because odds are its leading you somewhere you never could have imagined.
Kyle Nicolaides is a healer, former lead singer of the rock band Beware of Darkness, and author of Thank God for Depression. He lives in Ann Arbor with his partner, Marcie, and pups Buddha and Estrella. Learn more about Nicolaides at kylenicolaides.com.
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If you would have told me eight years ago that my depression held wisdom and had something to teach me, I would have thought you were crazy. Like driving down Main Street on game day crazy. That's because I was smack in what I call my "Dead Decade." From age 18-28, I was depressed, and I mean depressed. I was certain depression was the worst thing to ever happen to me because it had destroyed my life, sabotaged my promising professional career as the lead singer of a rock band, and left me in ruins.